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Attachment Styles

Attachment styles refer to the characteristic ways individuals relate to others

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What is an attachment style (American Psychological Association, 2018)?

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  • Attachment styles refer to the characteristic ways individuals relate to others

  • Adult attachment styles are influenced by self-worth and interpersonal trust

    • The security of adult attachment relates to childhood bonding experiences from caregivers

  • Different types of attachment styles are linked to various psychological outcomes throughout life

 

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What are the 4 attachment styles (Lewis, 2020)?

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  • There are 4 main attachment styles, where each manifests and presents differently

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  • Secure attachment

    • Occurs when caregivers are:

      • Available

      • Sensitive

      • Responsive

      • Accepting

    • This allows children to develop a secure attachment and learn how to trust and have a healthy self-esteem

      • As adults, these children are often in tune with their feelings, competent, and have successful relationships

      • During adulthood, those with secure attachment are often honest, supportive, and comfortable sharing their feelings, contributing to a healthy relationship

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  • Anxious attachment

    • Occurs when:

      • Caregivers respond to the child’s needs sporadically

      • The child cannot rely on the caregiver to be there when needed

    • This prevents the child from developing a sense of security with their attachment figure

      • Due to this, the child becomes demanding and clingy in hopes that the escalated distress forces the caregiver to react

      • The lack of predictability leads to the child becoming needy, angry, and mistrustful

    • As adults, those with anxious attachments:

      • Become demanding and possessive in relationships

      • Develop codependency with others

      • Second-guess whether they’ve done enough or too much for their relationship

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  • Avoidant attachment

    • Occurs when caregivers:

      • Minimize the child’s feelings

      • Reject the child’s demands

      • Do not help the child with difficult tasks

    • Children who develop avoidant attachment learn that to survive, they feel they need to shut down their feelings and become self-reliant

      • These children will not turn to the caregiver when they are distressed and try to minimize showing any negative emotion

    • As adults, those with an avoidant attachment may avoid relationships altogether

      • They tend to be dismissive and fearful causing them to keep others at a distance

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  • Disorganized attachment

    • This occurs when caregivers:

      • Reject the child

      • Ridicule the child

      • Frighten the child

    • Caregivers who display these types of behaviors tend to have unresolved trauma from the past

    • The child may feel frightened or anxious instead of cared for and protected when approaching the parent

    • Children with disorganized attachment may:

      • Become aggressive toward the caregiver

      • Refuse care from the caregiver

      • Become extremely self-reliant

    • A 2004 research study found that teens who had disorganized attachment with their primary caregiver as a child had overall higher levels of mental health concerns by the age of 17 years

    • Adults with disorganized attachment struggle to keep long-term relationships due to the inability to self-regulate

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How do attachment styles present in relationships (Graziano, 2024)?

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  • According to attachment theory, our connection and comfort with primary caregivers is the foundation of how we perceive, feel, and behave in other relationships. These relationships include friendships, intimate relationships, and the relationship with one’s future children

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  • Secure attachment style and relationships

    • Individuals with a secure attachment style:

      • Believe that they can rely on and trust others

      • Can easily forgive

      • Set good boundaries

      • Respect both their own and their partner’s independence

      • Voice their wants and needs

      • Are comfortable with intimacy

      • Are not concerned with rejection or distracted by their relationship

    • Overall, a secure attachment style in a relationship consists of low levels of avoidance and anxiety

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  • Avoidant attachment style and relationships

    • Individuals with an avoidant attachment style:

      • Pride themselves in their extreme independence and avoid being perceived as weak

      • Are uncomfortable with closeness and emotionally distant

      • Do not easily trust others

      • Have difficulty expressing their own needs and wants

      • Can be dismissive of the needs of others

    • Overall, an avoidant attachment in a relationship consists of high levels of avoidance and low levels of anxiety

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  • Anxious attachment style and relationships

    • Individuals with an anxious attachment style:

      • Have frequent changes in needs and wants

      • Expect their partner to know and meet these needs without being told

      • Fear abandonment

      • Are overly occupied with their relationships

      • Can be jealous, possessive, controlling, or engage in attention-seeking behaviors

    • Overall, an anxious attachment consists of low levels of avoidance and high anxiety levels

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  • Disorganized attachment style and relationships

    • Individuals with an anxious attachment style:

      • Have difficulty trusting others

      • Lack empathy towards others

      • Are constantly concerned about their partner’s commitment

      • Engage in push/pull dynamics (e.g., sometimes wants intimacy, other times do not want)

      • Lack emotional awareness

      • Downplay the importance of relationships

    • Overall, a disorganized attachment involves high levels of avoidance and anxiety

 

Everyone has a different attachment style. Understanding our unique style can help us better understand how we connect with others. Attachment styles can change over time as we grow and make new connections and relationships with others. Therapy can help people learn about how they relate to others and make progress toward how they would like to relate to others.

References

 

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References

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American Psychological Association. (2018). Attachment style. https://dictionary.apa.org/attachment-Style

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Graziano, C. (2024). Attachment styles and their impact on adult relationships. University of Oklahoma Health Sciences. https://students.ouhsc.edu/news/articles/attachment-styles-and-their-impact-on-adult-relationships

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Lewis, R. (2020). What is attachment theory? Healthline.

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/types-of-attachment#secure-attachment

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