Navigating Divorce When Kids Are Involved

Key takeaways

• Children and The Good Divorce

• Navigating Divorce When Kids Are Involved

Children and The Good Divorce

The Good Divorce. Is this some literary example of an oxymoron or a new way to think about a common dynamic in some relationships? It’s probably fair to say that couples don’t go into their marriage vows with some clause that says, “Till death do us part, but if we do realize that this relationship isn’t healthy for us, let’s at least decide to have a healthy divorce.” Perhaps this is one of those ideas thats easier said than done; however, I would challenge that if you aren’t saying it, considering it, or envisioning what a good divorce could look like, you’re probably less likely to experience one.

Divorce is filled with dynamics that couples will have to work through (effective communication, agreement on financial issues, etc.) which ironically may have led to them seeking the divorce in the first place. A common point of struggle for couples considering divorce is how it will affect their children. If the question is whether to stay married for the children or get divorced for the children, you may be asking the wrong question. Perhaps an alternative question is how can we have a healthy relationship for our children and with our children? This is what you want to model; this is what you want your children to experience. Asking this question may be a good place to start in answering the dilemma of how to have a good divorce.

Divorce is often a trying experience highlighting many differences with a partner you once may have been very aligned with. Working to find alignment, even in the slightest of ways, can be a starting point for working through conflicts that arise. Allowing your children to be a point of alignment and staying focused on their needs and rights can be a beacon toward a healthy way of being–a good divorce.

What to know

While many “to have and to hold” vows last a lifetime, about as many survive only a fraction of that. Ending a marriage is often difficult and emotional for the couple. And navigating divorce when kids are involved can be exponentially more challenging. Revisiting an idea from a previous blog , MHCS offers tips to positively process the split and help children adjust after their parents have called it quits.

Realistically, about half of all married couples in the U.S. wind up divorced. That number increases for subsequent marriages, with about 60 percent of second marriages and 70 percent of third marriages ending in divorce.

Additionally, some couples may enter into marriage at a young age and find that, as they get older, they have less in common with their spouse. Whatever the reasoning, each party deserves to be happy and should do what’s best to attain that happiness — even if that means ending their marriage.

Much like the rationale for divorce, the ways in which divorce affects children varies based on the child and the circumstances. Some kids may take a while to understand and process all the changes. Still others bounce back quickly and can more easily get into a new routine.

But just as their parents are affected by the breakup, children of divorcing parents likely will face extra challenges. Younger children sometimes have trouble adjusting to the new dynamic of two households. They may feel as though the divorce is somehow their fault. Teenagers can feel angry, hurt, or resentful toward their parents for splitting up the family.

When to reach out

If symptoms are affecting relationships, work, school, sleep, or daily routines, professional support can help you sort through what is happening and choose a realistic next step.

MHCS provides therapy and mental health support for individuals, couples, families, teens, and adults.